Field of Fossils

At Rogge Cloof, near Sutherland I saw a field of fossils. 

Rust coloured stones with the structure of bones. 

Walking along the dusty track I step careful not to disturb this resting place.

Awe fills me in this 250 Millon year old graveyard.

This is an unimaginable time, from the disaster when these animals drowned in a flood and were covered with silt, becoming bones buried for eternity.

The bones are fossilized. Minerals have been exchanged. The life force of these mighty creatures left an imprint, a 3D image of what once was living and juicy.

Modern science knows, that there is actually no time. What we experience as time is a construct of our mind to help us navigate existence.

250 million years in this moment, my mind gets lost. But the life force is eternal. Life is growing, multiplying, dying, dissolving, assimilated, eaten, digested, breathed in and breathed out.

The air I breathe, the water I drink has been part of living creatures over and over again.

Created from a seed, growing, making love, multiplying, dying, I am nature and I will never die.

Without life energy there would only be dead dry rocks and sand. 

Life is born out of the universal consciousness pouring out energy, observing all there is into being. We battle to fathom the vastness and multitude of this eternal play. 

But we see patterns how we feel, experience and love ourselves into being. 

We are a micro creation and part of the whole, not separated but woven into it, like a fibre in a timeless fabric.

Karoo Sky

The vastness of the sky keeps me awake.

The quietness is humming in my head.

I breathe crisp cold air into my warm body.

The coolness shapes my arms, hands and head.

I breathe out aliveness.

Inside is outside and outside is inside.

My eyes see the stars into the endless universe.

Billions of years deep, in just a second of observation.

My eyes are God's eyes and God's eyes are my eyes.

My breath is God's breath and God's breath is my breath, now and in eternity.

Distance becomes closeness when my body is God's body.

The sky is inside of me as the cool gives me form.

This place, the Karoo, slows me down.

Humming vibration turns into slow rolling waves of observation, 

creation and dissolving into vastness, 

contracting into form with every in breath and pulsating with my beating heart.

All sensations are like a big piece of music played by the orchestra of awareness. 

Sounds of silence.

Loving Wave

Between air and sea loving begins with a soft round movement.

Gentle blowing touch is playing with the boundary between the elements for a long time.

This movement does not stop and relentlessly builds up energy higher and higher.

There is no turning back, no possibility of slowing down.

A round mass of loving, rolling in joy is anticipating the moment of crashing.

The wave explodes, losing all form, mixing water with air in an orgasmic explosion of effortless joy.

After the orgasmic crashing there is a moment of total relaxation.

Water and air are transformed into milky softness. This is a state of total unity.

How long can it hold?

One breath long and the elements will separate flowing back, breaking bubbles to be apart again.

One breath and a new loving begins.

Dark Roots

In the darkest part of the forest the roots are nourished by decay. What once was alive, transforming light into sweet juices of energy has fallen to the ground. Slowly it gets absorbed by the dark matter of the earth. Disintegrating into its true essence. There is a mystical alchemical process turning life energy into mineral compounds. Invisible to the naked eye, life energy becomes inorganic salt, changing back into what it was: Star dust, aeons old atoms, born out of the suns of the universe.

Once attracted to each other by gravity, now it is returned to the darkness by gravity.

But life is reaching out into the dark. Roots are searching around attracted by the glittering giggling stream. Quick flowing tears of the clouds gathered together in joy, jumping and dancing. And the roots dance too, dancing in their own slow pace, dancing in their own time and slow kissing and licking the salt from the tears.

It’s a kind of loving, a slow death of disintegrating bliss and orgasmic resurrection when the star dust dissolves and rises to the light through the roots. Flowing upwards to the sun to grow, defying the power of gravity and form new life, juicy and green.

Timeless Loving

Time is perceived very subjectively. Sometimes we can forget time and during loving time gets stretched.

I am sitting at the shore and watch the sea making love to the rocks. Eternal moving and caressing. It never stops. Imagine the rock could feel touch, like we feel with our skin and body.

Each contact with a wave is new and different from the previous one.

The sea is rolling in and the rock is waiting in anticipation. How will she touch me this time.

He is fully anticipating the moment of meeting, feeling the rise of energy just before the impact.

Hardness is born out of the breaking waters. The wave crashes the stone into existence. 

The flowing foam caresses and sculpts at the same time.

Creation is orgasmic joy; an eternal splashing formation out of a billion possibilities.

I am sitting between the rocks and notice this loving.

In my mind I perceive moments and eons of sea and rocks born into reality.

Without reference to observe time, loving will be endlessly slow and orgasmic exploding in eternal unison.

The Edge Man

Sitting high at the corner of the ledge watching sunrise and moon set.

I am the Edge Man feeling:

The man and the woman inside of me, with the watery moon setting in the West

and the blinding bright sun rising in the East.

Today I like to be loved slow like being a woman seduced and tomorrow I let the wild animal out.

I am:

King and Subject

Bushman and scientist

Native and colonist

Lover and Family man

Dreamer and Conservative

Healer and Destroyer

Spiritual and lazy bum

I am the performer walking on a tight rope between balance and falling and I am the audience watching in suspense.

I am brave and shit scared

Life is a dance between holding and letting go, knowing to be held.

I am the Edge Man, loved as I am.

Loving Darkness

This Easter weekend I attended a retreat. Valentina created a dark room with all light blocked out to meditate in darkness.

I was surprised about myself, that I was not scared of darkness and disorientation.

To the contrary, it felt like coming home. I felt a deep relaxation of nothingness.

Even with many other people in the room breathing, the only sensation was inside of me.

In the darkness I met a Lover. Accidentally touching fingers. Becoming aware of the other and that this lover only exists in the sensation received on my skin.

Tiny vibrations making up a body to explore and discover. There is only touch, the sound of breath and scents of the other.

And the Lover exits inside of me. The boundaries become fluent. Am I being discovered or am I discovering?

Sometimes a new person enters the room, or someone is leaving. A tiny bit of light enters the space.

Darkness is so vulnerable. 

We step apart and loosing touch not be seen together.

Must this creation of each other stay in the dark? I experience deep encounter in a fleeting fragile moment.

In the light I am bombarded with images and sensations. Its difficult to distinguish between reality and imagination. In the darkness it becomes clear: Everything is imagination.